#ManOhMan: When your loved ones hate your lover


So what do you do when family and close friends just don’t like the new person in your life? Author and TV producer Msizi E Nkosi delves into the issue. Screen Shot 2017-02-20 at 3.37.25 PM One of the most frustrating love experiences you’re ever going to find yourself in is being madly in love with someone who is intensely disliked by someone very close to your heart. Choosing a life partner should never be a group decision, but that is a reality many struggle to reconcile with. Sometimes it’s your father who hates your boyfriend; sometimes it’s your friends, ormaybe even your child. Why do some of our loved-ones think their votes count when it comes to people we want to share our bodies and lives with? Sometimes they’re just being control-freaks who prefer our previous lovers; but sometimes they might have noticed something sinister that our infatuation or love is blinding us on. In black communities (but I’m pretty sure this is not limited to darkies only) there’s also something called idliso (muti spell). We are quick to diagnose those that we feel are victims of idliso. But at times the diagnosis is spot on, yet you can’t be telling your brother that you’re certain his girlfriend cast a love-muti spell on him. That’s not how you do it – you take him to a traditional-healer on a false pretense. Even that may be a mammoth task if your diagnosis is true. Break a leg. At some stage y’all will have to accept whoever your loved ones choose to exchange fluids with. It’s obviously easier said than done – imagine knowing for sure that your BFF’s new love is a playa of note. Do you tell her? Yes, you do. But with all the tact you can muster. Good luck. It’s frustrating to see someone you love loving a ‘wrong’ person but at times you should just let them be and wish them all the best. In these times of HIV, you may know someone’s status because a trustable source revealed it to you, and the next thing that person whose HIV status was revealed is the object of your BFF’s affection, the new guy she’s crazy about. What do you do? You assume he’ll be honest to your BFF or you alert your BFF? You risk losing your dear friend should her reaction be a dramatic one that leads to the end of the friendship? Approach a counsellor with immediate effect and seek advice, that’s a matter of life and death. I wish you the best of luck.

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